No, this is not just an emo moment.

I simply don't know what to make of this. Right now, what was hard for me before has become even more unbearable. As much as i would like to make it seem like everything's okay [as i always used to], i can't do it this time. Other than the obvious, this has caused bigger and much deeper things from the past to come back and torment me again. Everything has caved in. And the pain? Let me just say that i feel like i've been thrown into a grave alive, and i have no way out.  
 
It's torture.

>A<

Hoy intsik.

Psst. hoy! oo. leche ka. hahahah joke lang. :p 

Bebs: Ang sarap ng feeling diba? *ngisi*
Lahat: Ay ang kapaaaaaal!

Rhoda: Sana, wag kang magbabago. *sabay tawa*
Bebs: Nagbago ba 'ko?! Nagbago ba 'ko? *ngising nakakainis*
Lahat: *tawanan*

 
Sa wakas! naamin ko rin. Tatlong linggong tinik, nabunot na. Di ko inakala magiging ganun kadali yun. Ni hindi man lang siya nagparamdam ng kahit KATITING na pagkailang. Nice one tsong, nice one. :p Anywho, buti na rin siguro naamin ko na sakanya. Atleast naipaliwanag ko rin na enjoy enjoy lang to at wala akong balak na gahasain siya o kung ano. hahahah ang saya. astig talaga. ^_^
 
Psst. hoy! oo. leche ka. Wag kang maiilang, kundi kukutusan talaga kita! hahah

>A<

If only all my friends could read this.

I'm sorry for the person I became.
I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again
'cause who I am hates who I've been.
Who I am hates who I've been.

I talk to absolutely no one.
Couldn't keep to myself enough.
And the things bottled inside have finally begun
To create so much pressure that I'll soon blow up.

I heard the reverberating footsteps
Synching up to the beating of my heart,
And I was positive that unless
I got myself together, I would watch me fall apart.

And I can't let that happen again
'cause then you'll see my heart
In the SADDEST STATE it's ever been.

THIS IS NO PLACE TO TRY AND LIVE MY LIFE.

- sung by: RELIENT K - 

I'm so sorry for everything guys. I'm so sorry.

>A<

Finally.

Potakte. 4 days… I haven't been able to sleep for more than an hour before leaving for school. I feel like i've already gone numb from my shoulders up. Last saturday, i missed playing DTX so much that although i was already having a hard time walking, i still forced my body to make it there and actually start pounding on the pads. It wasn't a completely pleasant experience because my arms went numb once in a while, but the stress release helped me out a lot. Not to mention how liberating the now often "sessions" we have at the g4 balcony has become.  

Today was the last of the 3 pitches we've been working on for the past 4 days. [Thank God!] And i am now looking forward to the long and very satisfying sleep i will be having once i get home. Seriously, i need a break. I wanna go to a spa and get a relaxing, full body massage. Gawd that would be heavenly! *_*

Bebs, salamat sa ngiti. next time masamahan mo na sana ng hug. *hay*

>A<

Premature Infatuation.

We had another one of our "gigs" last saturday. I was supposed to blog that same day but i was too tired to stay up after midnight… goes for yesterday night as well. [sorry fugz if i kept you waiting.] Since we started playing a little earlier than usual, we finished earlier as well. BUT FINISHING EARLY DIDN'T EQUATE TO AN EARLY TRIP HOME. The guys still wanted to hang out and have a serious "talk" on the balcony of smoke. :p  
 
The tambay time started out with light stories and random nonsense about love lives and kilig stories. Oddly enough, it all ended with goosebumps and potential nightmares from the number of horror stories we all shared with each other. By the time we went home, pee-ing was as scary as walking home alone at night. :p 
 
Somewhere in between all the fun and kulitan, something was said. I didn't expect myself to get affected by the statement, but surprisingly so, i did… PRETTY BAD. Only a few people that night were aware of the real reason behind the sudden rush of tears. Even i found myself wondering why it drove me to such a reaction. Until now, i'm still at a loss for an explanation. All i know is that because of what was said, i am contemplating what i've become and what i would rather be.

>A<

YAHOO!!!

Ah yes… who would've thought that my new Japanese groupmate would be the one to make my day. Hahahah! Without even telling him anything, he just managed to say the right things to crack me up. Seriously dude, next time we have an Ad meeting / beer session, remind me to buy you a round. :p  
 
 
"…yung medyo mataba?"

>A<

The last countdown.

A clean break is easier.
You can reset it, and it heals, and you move on.
But if you leave things messy, and things don't get put right…

…then it just hurts, FOREVER.
- Joyce, Little Black Book - 

>A<

CURSES!!!!!!

NIOOOOO! It can't end like that! One week's too long! Waaaah!

>A< 
EDIT: Make that TWO FRIGGIN MONTHS! Heroes is having a hiatus! :c 

KYOUGI.

Battle of The Deathgods
A Sneak Peek. :p

>A<

Dimensions.

Even in my conscious efforts to look away and take some time to forget my "old life", it still managed to creep back in and make me realize how much i missed what i was running away from. In a way, i guess i saw this coming. After all it wasn't a bad life… it was just, hurting me a little bit. Although there has never been a question of how fulfilling it was and how HUMAN that life made me feel like, i just needed to feel simple-minded again; i wanted to be stress-free again; i wanted to find another place for my mind; and most especially, i needed to find another place for my heart.

I needed to lose myself… and i did. 

Now, nothing can compare to how happy i've been and how i've been able to finally take everything in stride. I MISSED EVERYTHING, and i'm glad i can slowly get to be in that part of my life again. But i have no regrets about creating another world for myself to move around in. Because doing that has helped me regain, and give more of, the unconditional and uninhibited ME i lost in that life i wanted to leave behind. I feel better now. Really. And soon, i'll be A-OKAY.

>A<