Let the wound heal.

Stop wasting band aids if you know you're still bleeding.

>A<

It’s been so long.

Why have i been neglecting this blog for so long??! Gawd. This is supposed to be my stress reliever of sorts and yet i barely touched in on the days i was most down and unbelievably out of course.

Let me just say that the past weeks caused me a big part of my sanity. Many things i thought i unerstood hit me smack dab in the face and suddenly, i was lost.

I've spent months crying (yes, still) but never like the way i did the other day. I mean, i have, quite a few times in my life… but never in the past months. I thought i only had enough tears left for once in a while self-pity-parties and yet i cried like a friggin' baby for a good hour. It wasn't even the poised cry a "young lady" like me should be having, it was the whole bawl-and-scream-into-a-pillow type of breakdown. I was screaming out loud, listening to a song that reminded me of the "happy" past that is now long gone. And it's not even something i could gain back… it's just gone, and it's gone for good. Ignorance is indeed BLISS.

I also spent a good few days being angry to the point of insanity. FUCKED UP ASSHOLE! Who gave you the right to disrespect any of us!? We may be just students, but don't forget that if it wasn't for us you wouldn't even be here! And how dare you ask us to apologize for YOUR mistake?! Give me a break, we're not stupid! If only i could punch you in the face, that punk-ass, self-righteous face, I WOULD. Burn in Incompetent Hell fucker. May araw ka rin.

*sigh*

To sum it all up, i'm pretty fucked up right now. Emotionally, physically, and psychologically fucked up. I have no direction, i don't have a SAFE PLACE to run to, i have no one to lean my sorry ass self on, and i don't have anything to hold on to… nothing that's MINE atleast. :c

>A<

Thank You for this! ^_^

"When it seems like every single door is locked shut, God is just pushing you to the one that's meant to open for you even before you knock."

That's going to be my life's motto. The meaning that phrase holds has proved itself to me more than once, even when i was still a kid… I can't even explain how 'magical' it really is when God decides to knock some sense into me and make me realize how blessed i am. Ang bangis Niya eh, parati akong ginugulat… bigla na lang may darating tapos ayun na, nagets ko na lahat.

Hay. There's nothing like God's sense of humor and timing. Sakto!

>A<

So-so.

Random News:

1. no longer an SMV member… ^_^
2. my Project is underway… wahoo! thank God!
3. tomorrow, something new is gonna come into my life. (naks! :p)
4. this day marks the beginning of another countdown
    i wish i had forgotten.

>A<

Thank God!

Yesss! naayos na rin! nakapagenroll na siya, settled na yung last year, unti-unti nang bumabangon yung family niya… dizizit! pakonti-konti, dahan-dahan… sandali na lang maayos na rin ang lahat. alam ko maaayos lahat ng 'to.

Sobrang laking pasasalamat ko talaga sa Diyos na narinig niya yung dasal naming lahat na magkakaibigan. Sobrang laking pasasalamat ko rin sa dean ko at binigyan siya ng pagkakataon… di ko alam kung panu naging ganun kabait si dean mitch, pero sobra talaga, salamat po! T_T

Mahal ka namin! hahah! ang saya ng araw na 'to. c:

>A<

And then there was light.

"Ask her to see me. Baka magawan namin ng paraan."

The best thing i heard today. *crosses fingers*

>A<

There’s always something.

Today, i realized how lucky i've been. Through all the lowest of lows that i have been through with my family, through all the shit nasty people has put us through, i've still been one very blessed individual.

Everything happens for a reason, right? And just today i was able to look back at my life and see how everything points to the next; how one thing leads to the other; how something that happened years ago helped me to survive the years that came next.

I got into thinking about what would've happened to us if i didn't get that scholarship… maybe i wouldn't have been able to study. It's either that or i would've been made to stop school at one point. If i had to pay for college, there would've been days when all i would have is money for transportation — and that's it. I wouldn't have been able to buy the supplies i needed if my mom had to worry about my tuition fee. But no, God gave me this blessing to help my mom. And i've never been more thankful for it.

If that happened for me and my mom then, i KNOW it could happen again for my friend now. I still hope and pray that they get through this, all of them, the whole family. And I'm still holding on to the vision of having us both there, marching on our graduation. Hold tight… I'm about to pull some strings. Please don't be angry.

>A<

This is so unfair.

I was set out to post about our time last night at the Pyro Olympics. But then, shit hit the fan for a friend of mine. And if it's torture for me, then it must be killing my friend. :c

I don't know what to make of this mess… i wish i could do something RIGHT NOW to make it okay. But you won't tell me exactly what's wrong. I've cried my eyes out for this… and although i know you've been crying for days and i only have been for the past hour, i feel your pain. I've been there, i was a kid then, and i know it sucks. It sucks even more now. I want you to be THERE… i want to share that with you. Just thinking of the possibility that i may not be able to is making it hard for me to breathe. :c

I love you, and i meant what i said… I'll fight tooth and nail to get you through this. I WILL.

>A<

Kill me.

Aside from the fact that i'm starting to look like a racoon from not being able to sleep until about 4am everyday, i'm also on the road to turning into swine from munching on all the food i can find for as long as i'm awake! I'm back to that point in my life again when i'd rather just stay at home than get out and feel bad all day because i know i look like shit. I don't want to dress up anymore… i don't even like looking at the mirror. I hate it. I hate this.

I'm making MYSELF sick. -_-

>A<

my problem with getting into school isn't helping either. :'c

Ha-ah-ay. @_@

I shamelessly admit that i AM, most definitely, a sucker for guys who have the ability to sing me to heaven. Then again, maybe just for CUTE korean guys who can make me want to fall at their feet for singing a song i can't understand. Either way…

That voice. AMAYGAD that voice! kill me now. *drools* 

>A<

i wish you weren't so gay. -_-