Project: Jump.

Orayt. May "project" na ako ngayong pasukan… Excited na ako! ^_- Sana mailakad ko to ng matino para may patunguhan naman. E-effortan ko talaga 'to ng todo. Kala niyo ah! hahahah! :p

>A<

Adieu, 2006.

Ah… yes. Yet another rollercoaster of a year has bid us all farewell. Everything that happened last year are now just memories to be set aside — None to be forgotten, but all to be left behind. After all, what's tomorrow for if we go on living for what has passed? We've laughed at them, grieved for them, and we may also have lived with silent regrets because of them… but no memory must be left in our hearts to control what is to come. We can look back, but we must never stop moving ahead.

And so to my memories of the past year, i bid you all farewell along with the year that gave you to me. For this year, i hope to live a happier life filled with better hopes and newfound inspirations. Wish me luck! ^_^

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

>A<

Fireflies.

Yesterday, we had a mini party with some college friends. Niel invited us all to hang out and sing karaoke at his house. Only a few of the people whom i expected to be there came, but it was fun nonetheless. I got to hang out with my pseudo-lil-sis again, AND i also got to hog the magic sing microphone towards the end of the night. hahah! Sensya na, minsan lang naman eh. :p

But the best thing about last night? FIREFLIES!!!

It was the first time i ever saw so many fireflies! They were right there! Just outside of niel's place, there were fireflies everywhere! All the trees in the whole street were bustling with lots and lots of fireflies..! I was almost in tears while sheena and i walked along abbey road. It was a different kind of feeling. They made me feel almost calm and somewhat happy. You just don't see that kind of thing everyday. And in a time like this, finding little bits of light were none used to be means a lot to me…

…it was magical, simply magical! c:

>A<

SB and S.

Last night was one hell of a night! Would you believe? We were almost complete! SB, missing just one, in a party… We were still in high school the last time that happened. We've never managed to be this complete in a pretty long time. And boy did i miss them all. T_T I missed laughing with them, talking about nothing at all, running for the food, fighting over food, cam-whoring with them, making kuwento… all this has not happened for us in a long time. Hay… just thinking about them again now is making me teary-eyed. I still wish though that lalai was there too, THEN we would've been the original SB.

As always, the christmas/year-end party was held at ysa's place. For some reason it's the best place to get together. After all you can never get it wrong with sauteed baby potatoes and lots of alcohol. :p Plus ryan's non-stop kakulitan and our crazy efforts to hide the smoke from the parentals… i tell you, juvenile excitement at its best.

After hours and hours of drinking and kuwentuhan, i finally made it home at around 1 am. I thought all the fun was over, BUT NO! Didice texted me this afternoon to meet her at yummy eats for a snack. I had a feeling something else was up… and true enough, i had a very "yummy" surprise waiting with didice. XD My god he must be a dream! Hahah! Sorry… It's just that i never thought i would actually meet him someday. Most of us spent all of high school just knowing his name and looking over our shoulders when he comes to school to pick up his girlfriend. I nearly passed out when didice introduced me to him at church a few weeks ago! And the whole time he was there with us at yummy eats today — i could hardly breathe. -_-

HE IS POSITIVELY DIVINE. @_@

However… he IS just a dream. :p I don't think there's anything wrong with being friends with him though. It's not like anything bad would happen. I am actually the safest bet for his girlfriend because there's no way in hell he'd ever like me. I will never deny the fact that i think he's totally hot, but i won't be doodling his name in a notebook any time soon. I'm just thankful that i have someone to think about again that would make me smile and feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I've missed this feeling. ^_^

>A<

Snow-free, but extremely chilly.

Sometimes i wish we made noche buena a tradition in our family. Christmas eve always comes and passes without anything special happening. Yeah, people come on Christmas day and there's usually a lot of food… But i don't know, i guess it's just different when you have noche buena; when everyone's awake preparing to eat too much; when everyone's actually excited about the fact that it's already Christmas eve, sitting around waiting for it to actually come.

Like right now, i'm typing this entry alone in my room. Twelve Midnight came while i was sitting on the rocking chair watching "Man of the house" on HBO. I texted greetings to my friends then i stood up to get my pseudo noche buena from the fridge — a handful of hershey's kissables. Classy huh? c:

I looked around our unlit house and it made me really sad. My mom's not here, she left for west ave a while ago. Tita reina's not here either, she's with the Halili family. Tita bardie and gab's here, but they were already asleep long before Christmas came. Hay… i've been down for weeks but today, today was different. I guess Marissa Cooper was right when she said that the holidays only made sad people feel worse.

20 years… I've been alive for over 20 years and not once have i ever spent a Christmas having someone. Berna sent a Christmas greeting with her name and kyle's at the bottom of it… I couldn't help but laugh when other non-single SBs followed suit and sent greetings the same way. But then after a while it got to me: I was alone.

Christmas IS more than just gift giving and delicious food. It is, first and foremost, the celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ… everything else are just additional frills. But with that said, Christmas is still, UNDENIABLY, filled with more spirit and warmth when you know you are loved. It is still made a little more special by the care of a loved one or the shared time of immediate family. Right now, i don't have that. And now that i think about it, i don't remember ever having any of that in my 20 years of Christmas eves. No noche buenas, no Christmas kiss, no special I LOVE YOUs, nothing… just me and my solo Christmas spirit.

I know i'm being such an ass for feeling this bad during Christmas, but i can't help it. I'm not suggesting that other people do the same though. ^_-

I hope that everyone out there will have the best Christmas ever! Enjoy your time with loved ones and don't forget to pass around those smiles while distributing or collecting your gifts. Be the blessing, sometimes it's the best you can do. Who knows, you might even be able to bring the slightest hint of joy to the people who need it… people like me. c:

>A<

There are two sides to everything.

YAY! worthy stuffications:

1. Having a tiny (but cute!) Christmas Tree.
2. Catching up with old friends.
    …and meeting new ones. XD
3. Buying a Wacom Tablet. (finally!!!!! ^_^)

PBFFT! worthy stuffications:

1. Hanging onto the apartment by a string.
2. A team being torn into bits. :c
3. A loved one holding me by the neck.
4. People making my career decisions for me. 
    …until i say so, i don't work for you.
5. Losing a friend. :c
6. Gaining another heartbreak.

Yeah… i can definitely say that this is a BITTERsweet christmas. But hey, yay for all the good stuff. c: After all they matter more to me than the bad ones… STILL SMILING. c:

1 more day to go.

>A<

Trouble Sleeping.

Thank God! I woke up late today! (well, technically it was yesterday.)

I haven't been getting enough sleep for almost two weeks now… It started after that basketball game we had, and then it got worse mid-week. No matter how tired i am i can't fall asleep! I just can't. :c

Once when i got to sleep a little early, i still found myself awake in the middle of the night because of a bad dream. I couldn't go back to sleep anymore so i just lay there shaking until dawn broke. I didn't sleep again until about 3am the next day. -_-

*sigh*

As i end this entry it's already 2:26 am on my clock. If i'm lucky, i'd fall asleep as soon as i hit the bed. If i'm not, i'll go to school tomorrow looking like the racoon i've been this whole week. Ack.

>A<

One of us will die…

NAKED AS WE CAME
by: Iron & Wine

She says wake up it's no use pretending
I'll keep stealing breathing her
Birds are leaving over Autumn's ending
One of us will die inside these arms

Eyes wide open
Naked as we came
One will spread our
Ashes round the yard

She says if I leave before you darling
Don't you waste me in the ground
I lay smiling like our sleeping children
One of us will die inside these arms

Eyes wide open
Naked as we came
One will spread our
Ashes round the yard

>A<

Mommy Dearest.

You know how moms have this thing where they almost ALWAYS succesfully piss you off?

Try to grasp the memory of how effortlessly your moms manage to get under your skin every single time they set out to.

Think about how much you hate despising your mothers for the many annoying things they unintentionally (or intentionally) do to let you know who's in complete control.

Go back to the time when you thought everything was fine, and then they find a loophole to squeeze into and suddenly you find yourself being scolded for things you've long believed to be "alright."

Put yourself in a position where you want so much to get away and yet you know so well how you still aren't capable to live on your own; Imagine how scared it made you feel to think about falling flat on your face once you stand your ground, and seeing her laugh straight to your face poking you non-stop about how they were right all along…

…all that is where i am right now. And it's killing me.

>A<

I got fingered. XD

I played basketball!

Uh huh. I'm not even kidding. I actually played basketball after gazillion years of finding pleasure in just watching my guy friends bust it out in the court. The sports dudes finally decided to give the girls a chance to play the game in the special 3-on-3 streetball challenge.

It was cool…

I got injured…

My teammate got injured…

WE LOST.

Yeah, it was definitely cool. :p

Kidding aside, it really was fun to play basketball. c: I mean, the ring finger on my left hand is all black and swollen (and so is my teammate's left ankle) but i think we all enjoyed it. Of course now we're out to win our next few games to gain back our pride. Thanks to miss chat's team for awarding us the win by default, now we could work at playing a better game with the same team that caused us the first one. And provided that gina and i both heal by this saturday, i think we have a pretty good chance at atleast putting on a better show and sucking a little less. ^_-

GO TEAM!!! ^_^

>A<